...to try and remember everything I want to remember about you.
I can call up your voice, your smile, your wacky sense of humor. These are all transfixed in my memory. I guess I miss what your voice would be like now, what antics you would have performed in the last two decades, what you would think of your niece and nephews.
So much can happen in 20 years, and yet so little. I remember the day, your valiant fight leading up to it and the numb days that followed. Those days are marked in my memory, but they are not the sweet memories, just the ones that are stuck to a date like 09/08/89.
What I really want to remember is what you said to me that night we had to walk home from the skating rink, along the RR track in Alabama because we missed our ride. I have a sense of what you said, but can't recall the words. That was more like 30 years ago, but was a poignant time in that I come away from that memory knowing you cared. Or the time we all missed the bus and had to take a boat to the marina that was a few bus stops further along the route (that bus driver was such a jerk!). Or what you said when you played with little Stephen that Christmas he was 4, or when you parachuted and the chute opened too late, or when we would sail and scooter around the Bahamas? I want to be able to remember the conversations, the flowers, the chit chat that I have not had with you for so long, and I can't. All I can remember for sure besides your smile is how much you meant to all of us and how much we all miss you.
Love you big bro, we miss you and your smile.
For our big brother, "Chaz" Charles Chapman Maas 1/59-9/89